Cartoon Caption Contest Winners

August 2017

"Siri, how many hours will I be in labor?" — Elizabeth Allatta, ARNP

July 2017

"Your stress ball arrived sir." — Todd Radivan, PA-C

June 2017

"Hey, you have the same thing I have and I can't figure out what it is!" — Thomas Psyris, FNP

May 2017

"Other than your blood pressure, cholesterol, blood sugars, tobacco use, kidney function, and liver're doing pretty good." — Nikeeta Wilson, PA-C

April 2017

"It also works as a great salad dressing if you'd like to try it on your lunch today." — Kathleen Higgins, APRN

March 2017

"When I told you to get to the point, Doc, I didn't mean that!" — Sarah L. Morgan, MD

February 2017

"We don't have a CAT scan. Do you think the dog scan will be covered?" — Tanya Schlemmer, DNP, MHA, APRN, FNP, AG-ACNP

January 2017

"Do you want to Google a second opinion?" — Alphonso Scotti, PA-C

December 2016

"Your baby wants to know if you've started his college fund yet." — Thomas Imhoff, PharmD, BCPS

November 2016

"Ha Ha! Just thought I'd see how much a scream would echo in there."
— Dan Kosterman, OD

October 2016

"You know, they really don't do you any good if you just leave them in the bottle." Emily Kriech, PA-C

September 2016

"What do you mean you can't read it, sir? It's your handwriting." Nikeeta Wilson, PA-C

August 2016

"How am I supposed to unlock my phone?" — Laurie Valunas, RN, MSN, CPNP

July 2016

"Sir, a note from your wife saying you need your head examined will not be sufficient for admission." — Chriss Blum, ARNP

June 2016

"I know how you feel Carter. I don't want to be here either. Have you ever caddied?" — Beverly Mike-Nard, NBP-BC, MSN, NIC-RNC

May 2016

"That's a new high score for me!" — Rich Wolf, RN

April 2016

"How about that? All that physical trauma and not a hair out of place!" — Jeannette Yackeren, RN

March 2016

"Since you have the bare bones health insurance policy, this will be your surgeon." — Karen Bone, APRN

February 2016

"Don't worry! It's my first time too!" — Parisa Shabanzadeh, PA-C

January 2016

"Stay right there — my aim's really good!" — Carolyn West, RN, BSN, PHN, CPHN

December 2015

"I was trying to do the whip, but my back said, 'Nay! Nay!'" — Tracy Andrews, DNP, ACNP

November 2015

"Oh sure - when the bill comes, you don't mind jogging." — Vincent Coca

October 2015

"Yep, this sags with age too." — Aaron Anderson, DO

September 2015

"I took the hepatitis exam. Is a 'C' passing?" — David Beard, FNP-C

August 2015

"I'm sorry ma'am, I don't know how to get these caps off either. I just fill them." — Ken Bates, PA-C

July 2015

"Well Mr. S, since you refuse to take your medications as prescribed, we've compounded this suppository for you. Just insert one rectally per day!" — Jennifer Graham, PA-C

June 2015

"The pay as you go plan — until you meet your deductible." - Patty Heron, FNP-C

May 2015

"Hey, we have a two-for-one special on colonoscopies today. You fellas interested?" - Barbara Limandri, PMHNP

April 2015

"I'm stumped. Your symptoms are completely alien to me." - Terry Poplawski, WHNP

March 2015

"I don't care that you haven't met your deductible. I want out NOW!" -- Holly Fisk, PA-C

February 2015

"Now they'll believe me when I say I'm just big boned!" -- Jeannette Abi-Rafeh, ARNP

January 2015

"Side effects may include nausea, fatigue, and loss of life savings." -- Brendan Powers, NP

December 2014

"I told him the bottle says, 'do not operate heavy machinery.' He laughed and said, 'Not a problem. The reindeer practically drive themselves."' -- Carol Brittsan, PA-C

November 2014

"So I passed gas! I AM the anesthesiologist after all." -- Curtis Abbott, PA-C

October 2014

"Don't forget to accurately reflect the ICD-10 code in my diagnosis so I don't get stuck with the bill." -- Amy Bond-Rozelle, ARNP-C

September 2014

"Excuse me, Doctor. Here is your patient's medication list." - Nedda Hughes, PA-C

August 2014

"Damn HMO not allowing ultrasounds. Ma'am your fibroid is a boy!" -- Robert Cymerman, PA-C

July 2014

"So, imagine my surprise when the child looked at me and suggested I start on an anxiety medication and switch to decaf." - Michael Kehoe, PA-C

June 2014

"I'm on my way to an emergency - call the PA!" - Donna Haupt, PA-C

May 2014

"If you don't like my diagnosis, here is a card for a local fortune teller." - Celia Lett, FNP

April 2014

"The good news is your HMO authorized your coronary bypass surgery! The bad news is they'll only cover it if we do it in the office under local anesthesia." - Pam Anderson, ARNP

March 2014

"I keep telling you to turn the patient. I'm the podiatrist not the proctologist." - Edert Ortiz, PA-C

February 2014

"You'd be surprised how well my surgical skills transfer over to the kitchen - this is the second time they called me to carve the holiday roast at the employee luncheon!" - Susan Gross, FNP, WHNP

January 2014

"The increase in my healthcare premium took not only the shirt off my back, but my pants and shoes too!" - Amber Littlefield, FNP-C

December 2013

"With or without lubricant?" - Charles Frost, PA-C, DHSc

November 2013

"My wife told me to take out the garbage and I told her, 'Do It Yourself.' That's the last thing I remember." - John Novak, PA-C

October 2013

"With all the government cuts, it's the best we could do." - Linda Johnson, GNP-BC, RN, CCRN, DNP

September 2013

"And this is just an example of what your high cholesterol is doing to your coronary arteries."
- Gwen Smith, APRN

August 2013

"Your heart sounds irregular. No, wait. That's just my smart phone vibrating in my pocket." - Helen Brightman, PA-C

July 2013

"Your triglycerides are up by 500%. I'd seriously consider taking that heart back to the wizard and asking for a liver." - Kathy Chelini, CNM, MN

June 2013

"His bedside manner seems sort of alien to me, but many patients think that his ideas are out of this world." - Kevin Fritz, RN, CNP

May 2013

"For rectal reconstruction, please enter in the rear." - Margaret Collyer, ARNP

April 2013

"I'm sorry Mr. Oswald, but we may have to repeat your rectal exam. It appears that my wedding
ring is missing." - Scott Mateosky, PA-C

December 2012

"My divorce goes through tomorrow, and she gets the medical bills." - Leann Willis, FNP

November 2012

"Hold on. I'll drop another quarter in and hope our HMO covers it." - Dick Martin, CRNA

October 2012

It's a midlife issue, sir. Most men buy a Mustang. You became one. - Elizabeth Olinger, NP

September 2012

"So you say you want a hare removed?" - Kevin Kelley, PA-C

August 2012

"I think we've narrowed it down to allergies." - Larissa Norman, NP

July 2012

"Your HMO will only pay for the surgery." - Gretta Nation, NP

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